Back to Black...

Damn, was my last entry really on 10/16? Two weeks ago? I wish it was due to lack of inspiration or a mundane, nonexistent, uneventful life. Unfortunately, it was not. There's been alot of shit happening in the world and just as much in my world. So much has happened that I have no clue where to start. But I do know that it'd be a never-ending tale. Politics have been off the charts with idiotic attacks on presidential hopefuls, and of course on the President also. Why are some geniuses still focusing on his country of origin? Does it really matter at this point? Shit, let it go! I can't even begin to get into natural disasters, terrorist attacks, Qaddifi's capture, and the desensitization of the public due to poor choices by the media.

I felt compelled to post something because someway, somehow the darkness is casting a shadow within me. I hate to sound cliche but it really seems like it happened around midnight, courtesy of All Hollow's Eve, I assume. Believe it or not, it's a good thing. I've been refusing to be anything less than optimistic lately. In the grand scheme of things it was worth it. I had to remain positive to prevent myself from going Psycho Bob in the courtroom, the classroom, and all the rooms that occupy my mind. However, I'm a firm believer in not holding shit in because it'll just build up and eventually explode. That's how folks end up going to jail because they couldn't get an extra chili sauce at Wendy's and snapped. That sauce is off the chain...but not enough to assault the cashier because you can't extras.

Anywho, compartmentalization has been my bestie for a while now. Winning yet another appeal last week, I'm hoping the legal BS is coming to an end. Heat and darkness due to an electrical fire was definitely a catalyst in me forcing myself to remain positive. Stress kills. I believe my body does things subconsciously. I finally finished a song that I've been working on but it's so graphic that I can't imagine myself repeating that shit anywhere. I have no real recollection of myself when I was recording. But listening to it afterward was OMG worthy. I truly lost my mind. Partially, I blame it on the TEN-A-KEE atmosphere (I didn't know people still used that term). But I also think it was my body's way of releasing some of the clutter that I've been storing in my brain over the past couple of months. It was refreshing but listening to it bothers me...nope, I won't reveal why!

So BACK TO BLACK.... I could use some Amy Winehouse right now. Is Valerie in the building??? It's draining and unnatural to be positive all the damn time. Especially when you know there are plenty of ways to release and relieve yourself of frustration. For me, the darkness is a crucial part of my existence. I know I'm crazy, people who know me know I'm crazy. I'm not hatin' on anybody but the only people I know who are chipper ALL THE DAMN TIME scare the shit out of me and are usually on some serious medication. Don't misunderstand me. Being on a natural high is a beautiful thing. But to NEVER have a trying day or be in a deep reflective state of mind is eerie...I mean dress up like Richard Simmons on Halloween eerie!

So today, I embrace and welcome the darkness that I've been holding at bay. I might start an 8 hour Lady GaGa Fan Club and collect Pay Days, Snickers, and Twix as dues! I advise anyone to steer clear with idiotic bull'ish today. I have zero tolerance for all of the following:

• the misguided soul who really has no clue who I am today and will not accept that reality

• the lost one who should steer clear of the Bermuda Triangle, especially in search of me

• the Paul Laurence Dunbar fanatic who wears the mask that grins and lies everyday

• the naive native who seems to have forgotten that I'm a pro at playing dirty when I want to

• the wretched reveler who's unknowingly initiated a fateful game of revenge

• the lowly lustful liar who loves to lay and lie but loses every time

So I'm off to be blissfully brazen in the darkness. 

No candles, flashlights, or fires.

Save them for 12:01am...

Hell, make it 5am

Trust me, I have little friends in extremely high places...