Some say it's a dirty, dirty world. Some days I'm inclined to agree. With egregious acts justified by love, hate, jealously, revenge, faith, or sheer curiosity, I find myself agreeing more often than not. Especially being literally surrounded by orange, brown, and yellow dirt that seems undisturbed from its original placement of beauty and purpose.
On today, I'm continuously humble, grateful, and thankful that I'm here to experience and contribute to everything this world has to offer. Many have not lived to possess 30 years. For them, I am reminded that each day I simply exist and not live, I commit an egregious act upon myself.
So with the 30 years I carry with me today, I refuse to exist. I'm going to live in my thirty, thirty world.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
appall in afghanistan
that's the first thing that came to mind when I saw the story regarding the woman publicly executed in afghanistan for alleged adultery. it seems pointless to ask if that's really the world we live in because sadly the overwhelming answer is yes. the sheer calculation of such an act is physically, mentally, and emotionally sickening and enraging. i say calculated because such an act could never be random. 150 primarily male onlookers. decapitated. bullet riddle corpse. female. woman.
in no way am I stating that i would condone such an act with a male victim. but the fact that a man accused of the same crime wouldn't have the same result is also at the forefront of my mind. i'm not familiar enough with Afghan laws to even know whether or not it is a crime for a man to commit adultery. But I can't fathom this punishment for either sex.
how can i, as a woman, begin to process this? a heartbreaking statement was that Afghan girls and women heavily rely on the international community to protect the progress they've made in the past decade regarding their rights and safety. how, i ask, can the international community combat something like this?
blame has primarily been placed upon the taliban. but even with that knowledge, even if it were confirmed that the taliban is responsible, how can this be rectified? can anyone truly be punished for such an atrocity?
soldiers will die. rebels will die. innocent men, women, and children will die. at what end?
this isn't the rant of a woman with no hope or faith. but, on the contrary, a more reflective one. i've come to the realization that simply because there will never be a true "end" to a war doesn't mean there's no reason to fight.
in no way am I stating that i would condone such an act with a male victim. but the fact that a man accused of the same crime wouldn't have the same result is also at the forefront of my mind. i'm not familiar enough with Afghan laws to even know whether or not it is a crime for a man to commit adultery. But I can't fathom this punishment for either sex.
how can i, as a woman, begin to process this? a heartbreaking statement was that Afghan girls and women heavily rely on the international community to protect the progress they've made in the past decade regarding their rights and safety. how, i ask, can the international community combat something like this?
blame has primarily been placed upon the taliban. but even with that knowledge, even if it were confirmed that the taliban is responsible, how can this be rectified? can anyone truly be punished for such an atrocity?
soldiers will die. rebels will die. innocent men, women, and children will die. at what end?
this isn't the rant of a woman with no hope or faith. but, on the contrary, a more reflective one. i've come to the realization that simply because there will never be a true "end" to a war doesn't mean there's no reason to fight.
Friday, July 6, 2012
¿Is It Just Me?
5/8/12. Up at 3:30. Finished that last episode of The Borgias. Mentally prepared myself for the day I knew I was gonna have. Kited off to see one of my doctors. Hoped for good news. Needless to say, news wasn't that great. Not bad, but not great. Pretty much what I expected.
Sitting in the doctor’s office is somewhat a mentally cathartic experience. I gave up the need to have someone accompany me long ago. So I’m alone with my thoughts in the all too familiar environment. Most people don’t know that if they get a random text or email from me out of nowhere, I’m usually in the doctor’s office or hospital. For some reason, the strangest things seem to cross my mind. I tend to be a little too reflective. I start thinking about our time here, all the things that go undone, and all the things that are never said. So naturally, I give in and let my fingers do the walking. Recently, I was told that I ask questions that don’t have answers. Huh? I disagree. I ask questions that some tend to not WANT to answer due to the possible fall out, positive or negative. So yesterday, I decided to just jot down all the questions that popped into my head while I was being poked & prodded.
Questions. No answers.
Is it just me or is there really no privacy in the most "exclusive" doctor's offices? Why are looks of pity given to the pregnant woman with the toddler? Where is her husband? WHERE IS HER HUSBAND? wtf? Why is the quadruple standard primarily perpetuated by women? What does that missing ring mean? What do those rings mean? On a hand? In a drawer? Do they mean the same thing? Eternity on? 5G's off? How far can I get with 5G's? Where do I wanna go? What do I wanna do? Who do I wanna do? Here? There? Him? Did he ever get it? Did I really have to spell it out? Are some things truly better left unsaid? If so, what things? Things like physically connecting with someone from the past? Physically connecting? Fucking? Huh? Back to the quadruple standard?
Sitting in the doctor’s office is somewhat a mentally cathartic experience. I gave up the need to have someone accompany me long ago. So I’m alone with my thoughts in the all too familiar environment. Most people don’t know that if they get a random text or email from me out of nowhere, I’m usually in the doctor’s office or hospital. For some reason, the strangest things seem to cross my mind. I tend to be a little too reflective. I start thinking about our time here, all the things that go undone, and all the things that are never said. So naturally, I give in and let my fingers do the walking. Recently, I was told that I ask questions that don’t have answers. Huh? I disagree. I ask questions that some tend to not WANT to answer due to the possible fall out, positive or negative. So yesterday, I decided to just jot down all the questions that popped into my head while I was being poked & prodded.
Questions. No answers.
Is it just me or is there really no privacy in the most "exclusive" doctor's offices? Why are looks of pity given to the pregnant woman with the toddler? Where is her husband? WHERE IS HER HUSBAND? wtf? Why is the quadruple standard primarily perpetuated by women? What does that missing ring mean? What do those rings mean? On a hand? In a drawer? Do they mean the same thing? Eternity on? 5G's off? How far can I get with 5G's? Where do I wanna go? What do I wanna do? Who do I wanna do? Here? There? Him? Did he ever get it? Did I really have to spell it out? Are some things truly better left unsaid? If so, what things? Things like physically connecting with someone from the past? Physically connecting? Fucking? Huh? Back to the quadruple standard?
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