Back to Black...

Damn, was my last entry really on 10/16? Two weeks ago? I wish it was due to lack of inspiration or a mundane, nonexistent, uneventful life. Unfortunately, it was not. There's been alot of shit happening in the world and just as much in my world. So much has happened that I have no clue where to start. But I do know that it'd be a never-ending tale. Politics have been off the charts with idiotic attacks on presidential hopefuls, and of course on the President also. Why are some geniuses still focusing on his country of origin? Does it really matter at this point? Shit, let it go! I can't even begin to get into natural disasters, terrorist attacks, Qaddifi's capture, and the desensitization of the public due to poor choices by the media.

I felt compelled to post something because someway, somehow the darkness is casting a shadow within me. I hate to sound cliche but it really seems like it happened around midnight, courtesy of All Hollow's Eve, I assume. Believe it or not, it's a good thing. I've been refusing to be anything less than optimistic lately. In the grand scheme of things it was worth it. I had to remain positive to prevent myself from going Psycho Bob in the courtroom, the classroom, and all the rooms that occupy my mind. However, I'm a firm believer in not holding shit in because it'll just build up and eventually explode. That's how folks end up going to jail because they couldn't get an extra chili sauce at Wendy's and snapped. That sauce is off the chain...but not enough to assault the cashier because you can't extras.

Anywho, compartmentalization has been my bestie for a while now. Winning yet another appeal last week, I'm hoping the legal BS is coming to an end. Heat and darkness due to an electrical fire was definitely a catalyst in me forcing myself to remain positive. Stress kills. I believe my body does things subconsciously. I finally finished a song that I've been working on but it's so graphic that I can't imagine myself repeating that shit anywhere. I have no real recollection of myself when I was recording. But listening to it afterward was OMG worthy. I truly lost my mind. Partially, I blame it on the TEN-A-KEE atmosphere (I didn't know people still used that term). But I also think it was my body's way of releasing some of the clutter that I've been storing in my brain over the past couple of months. It was refreshing but listening to it bothers me...nope, I won't reveal why!

So BACK TO BLACK.... I could use some Amy Winehouse right now. Is Valerie in the building??? It's draining and unnatural to be positive all the damn time. Especially when you know there are plenty of ways to release and relieve yourself of frustration. For me, the darkness is a crucial part of my existence. I know I'm crazy, people who know me know I'm crazy. I'm not hatin' on anybody but the only people I know who are chipper ALL THE DAMN TIME scare the shit out of me and are usually on some serious medication. Don't misunderstand me. Being on a natural high is a beautiful thing. But to NEVER have a trying day or be in a deep reflective state of mind is eerie...I mean dress up like Richard Simmons on Halloween eerie!

So today, I embrace and welcome the darkness that I've been holding at bay. I might start an 8 hour Lady GaGa Fan Club and collect Pay Days, Snickers, and Twix as dues! I advise anyone to steer clear with idiotic bull'ish today. I have zero tolerance for all of the following:

• the misguided soul who really has no clue who I am today and will not accept that reality

• the lost one who should steer clear of the Bermuda Triangle, especially in search of me

• the Paul Laurence Dunbar fanatic who wears the mask that grins and lies everyday

• the naive native who seems to have forgotten that I'm a pro at playing dirty when I want to

• the wretched reveler who's unknowingly initiated a fateful game of revenge

• the lowly lustful liar who loves to lay and lie but loses every time

So I'm off to be blissfully brazen in the darkness. 

No candles, flashlights, or fires.

Save them for 12:01am...

Hell, make it 5am

Trust me, I have little friends in extremely high places... 

A Tale of Two Cities: Will It Ever End?

I had every intention of having a positive posting today. With little motivation to post anything as of late, I figured I'd post something meaningful to me. I decided to focus on the MLK Memorial and the "controversy" surrounding it. While gathering my thoughts, I decided to visit nola.com to see what's up in N.O. Imagine my surprise to see the headline:

Man killed on South Claiborne is brother of witness in Hankton murder case

I tried to devote my attention elsewhere but I couldn't ignore the force that was drawing me into this article. I'd heard about the case and read a couple of the articles before but none had demanded my attention quite like this one.  Last month, I became so enthralled in this story because it seemed like a damn movie or the perfect treatment for a screenplay. I don't remember an article that has grabbed my attention and refused to let go in such a long time. This was the story that made me take my grandmother's newspaper. All of the elements were there: Family, Loyalty, Values, the "Code," Revenge, Murder...you name it. Less than a mile away from both of my childhood homes and mere feet from where my cousin was murdered on his doorstep 16 years ago, I couldn't turn away. After reading the latest article, I could only ask myself:  WILL IT EVER END?

Despite the economic growth and "evolution" of New Orleans, the city is always in the headlines as a booming city of tourism and criminal activity, primarily murder. Efforts to "rid the city" of violent criminals post-Katrina were short-lived. I think the majority of residents understood this more than local or national government officials. Ridding the city of "violent criminals" is an unconquerable feat. There's always someone lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to make a power move. Add in straight-laced officials by day BUT corrupt crooked criminals by night and you have the perfect combination for the criminal cocktail. I suppose corporate criminals are subject to different laws than violent criminals. (Yes, I'm aware that in some ways they are) There's no violence in turning a family's existence inside out by squandering away a person's life savings and leaving them destitute...nope, no violence in that. I don't believe that crime could reach this level without law enforcement turning a blind eye SOMEWHERE down the line. Am I wrong? Is it just me and my conspiracy theories? Someone please convince me otherwise.

What do you think? Does the city's culture and cuisine cast a menacing shadow on crime? Or vice versa? 

Here's the article: http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/10/man_killed_in_front_of_lounge.html

10/1/08

10/1/08

Today I tore up the month of September

30 days - 720 hours - 43,200 minutes

reduced to a sheet of paper torn

4 times resulting in 8 pieces.

8 pieces of paper that represent nothing

(let me rephrase that)

8 peces of paper that represent the nothingness

of my life - suicidal? NO.

Realistic - YES.

30 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -

I take that back

29 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -

19 spent punching a clock and taking orders

9 spent evaluating the nothingness of

my life and how to change it

1 spent at a funeral which actually

held the most meaning for me

-----> Pastor said I was EXISTING

           and not living.

World of Women? Wouldn't Work

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Let me count the ways...