Relationships and Love : The Controversy of the Compromise - Part 2

Aight, it's been an interesting day since 10am. I received several questions about what the deal was with Part 1.
Am I talking about someone I know? Of course. But, then again, who do I really 'know'?
Am I talking about myself? Of course...and thousands of people that I've never met and never will meet.
What's going on? Everything and nothing at all. But I beg of thee to ask marvin gaye.
Why you hating on men like women don't do the same thing? You misunderstand...please re-read and analyze.
Damn, why are you making women seem so weak when you know we don't choose who we love? That's a bit preposterous. Did you actually READ the blog or did you pick up a copy of 'The Idiot's Guide to Understanding m.marie?'

With that said, I'll continue Part 2 as objectively as I possibly can. I'm well aware that you don't choose who you love. However, you do choose to try to force someone to fall or stay in love with you. I've seen it done several times and personally experienced it. I've spent hours listening to the fallout after the realization finally hit home that it WILL NOT happen. And I've attempted to help a broken heart piece itself back together. In no way am I attempting to say that women or men who try to hold onto someone they love are weak. I'm promoting the message of self-worth, happiness, and SELF LOVE for men AND women. Of course, I've been bitten by the love bug more than once but somehow I've built up an immunity to the venom of absurdity. I learned one of the greatest lessons of love at eighteen, it may have been fate or what was thought to be bad luck at the time...when it's time to move on you should do just that...on to da next one. Undoubtedly, it'll hurt. However, that's not a reason to compromise who you are, what you believe in, or what you deserve. Sometimes it's quite necessary to be selfish and put yourself first, especially to get through the pain. Like the saying goes, "you can't love somebody if you don't love yourself."

Damn, I'm sleepy so I'll conclude Part 2 and hope there won't be a necessity for Part 3. I haven't done it in a while so I'll add a little creativity until the next blog. Gotta hit the road for a wedding on Saturday...the beginning of marital bliss. Make of this what you will but not too much...it is part of a verse in one of my songs:

You say I have bad understanding,
so I overstand everything.
You say that I expect the world,
I guess I'm just demanding.
You say that I don't treat you right
that's why I sleep alone at night.
I say you got alot to say
you better get your mind right.
'Cause I'm the shit to me for me,
your words don't mean a thing to me.
I say I gotta do my thing.
So this, my friend is HERstory
~m.marie

Relationships and Love: The Controversy of the Compromise - Part 1

I don't know what it is about Thursday, but it seems to be developing into my day of reflection. Late last night or early this morning, shit it was around 3:30am, I found myself visiting Gypsy's cyberworld and ended up damn near blogging on her blog. Sorry Gyp! But the topics of sexism, feminism, homo-eroticism, subservience, and male domination in relationships really took me to another galaxy mentally.  The word "relationship" causes a series of other words to cross my mind - love, hate, sacrifice, selfishness, compromise, complacency, idiocy, fear, abuse, manipulation, freedom, isolation...I'll stop there because it'll be Christmas 2012 and I'd still be typing words.  

We've all heard it over and over again: RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED. Really? Why is that? That's a serious question because I just don't see it that way. Usually people primarily associate love with sex and relationships. Let's be real. Love isn't even a FACTOR in most relationships. The sex is far more important for some than love, or even like. How often have you seen two people in a "relationship" and it's clear that one person is more invested than the other. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I just think one should at least be honest with him/herself about the "relationship." I won't even get into the so-called warning signs because I think too many people, yes primarily women, turn a blind eye to the fact that the man they're involved with isn't committed. They totally compromise, and damn near eliminate, the possibility of being with someone who will reciprocate those feelings. To me, personal self-worth should NEVER be compromised for a maybe. But for some reason, they hold on to him for dear life hoping his feelings will be reciprocal one day. In the meantime, he's hoping he can get her to try that new position to add to the mental kama sutra log. She will. And in the process she'll hear wonderful melodies and the heaven's will open and the angels will sing...and he'll hear melodies too (courtesy of Swizz & Jay) "on to da next one..."

I know I may sound like I'm dissing women but I'm not. I'm trying to convey the message that you don't have to compromise yourself, your values, or your self-worth to be with someone who would never consider doing the same. Growing up in the hood with a bunch of dudes taught me alot. Having an older brother with females falling all over him taught me alot. HE taught me alot. I've had my share of poor choices in regards to men but I've never been infected with the "love bug" that strips away my capacity to evaluate a situation and accept it for what it is. Love was never my thing. The concept of love is complex. Ask ten people what love is and I'm 99.999999999999% sure you'll receive ten different answers and probably twenty different questions. Love is intangible. You can't reach out and touch it. You can't hold it in the palm of your hand and give it to the one. But you can damn sure recognize it...

I'm not CLOSE to being finished with this topic but I gotta go. So I'll post part of my comment from Gypsy's blog and holla back.

... the shit on our minds definitely sprung from the same embryo.

It's like the same shit, different day scenario with some relationships. I feel you 150 on the "normal" girl thing. THERE IS NO FUCKING NORMAL GIRL! I can go into some categories but I'll save that for mevsmarie!

I can't believe how small minded some men, especially young black men, can be. I went through the same thing on the block, and especially in relationships with all the "smart girl" references. Damn, would you prefer me hopping on one leg and barking like a dog? And on the flip side, how dare me be from the hood, still living in the hood, and attend a certain HBCU with the privileged few? WTF!

Why should I have to confine myself to ONE role, persona, or image to ego stroke? Of course there are always preconceived notions about what a woman should be or do for her man. But at what cost? Do you sacrifice your dreams, reinvent your life, and keep your mouth shut if that's what's demanded? You already know my answer HELL NAW!

If we agree to enlighten ourselves by choosing a book and reflecting on what we've read with eachother, that's iron clad for me. When the time comes that we're not on the same page or even in the same book wtf is a girl to do??? Well Marie keeps reading, flipping pages, and closes the book when the last line is read.

END OF STORY!

*m.marie

   

Thinkin' Thursday

This is the point where those who know me will say "Okay THAT'S Marie!" Today's one of those days in which I seem to be thinking about a million things at once. There's so much on my mind but somehow nothing at all. I know...doesn't make much sense but somebody, somewhere feels me. I can't call it venting but a part of me is steaming. So I guess I'll get a little creative while acknowledging the current economic crisis that is hitting some of us quite hard and others not at all.

THE DEBT DEAL...who came up with that term? Seriously, THE DEBT DEAL? It sounds like something a kid on the school yard would say when he loans a friend fifty cents. Like "sure Billy I'll give you fifty cents today but remember with THE DEBT DEAL you give me seventy five cents tomorrow." I won't even delve into the idiocy and in-fighting that Congress has so openly displayed. I won't name any political leaders or followers. And I definitely won't rant and rave like certain "journalists" who get paid millions to do so.

As I said earlier, I'll get creative. Love it or hate it, this is what it's come to...

The debt deal is like a death sentence.
I try to support my government
but shit just doesn't make sense.
I used to love tea.
It relaxed me and calmed me,
gave me the energy to focus mentally.
But now I can't stand it.
Give me a glass
and I'll throw it up and smash it,
make it rain glass fragments.
Of course I'll just stand there.
And tell somebody take a pic
while I shake the glass from my hair.
I know it sounds like nonsense
but I want that pic to be on the main screen
just for Congress.

Still waiting to be bailed out...
m.marie

The MisEducation of the Educators

It's about that time of year again! Let the back to school shopping begin. Make sure the kids have finished the summer reading lists and count down the days until the first bell rings. Review those necessary school supply lists and check off items as you go..."wishing and hoping and praying" that there are enough composition books, binders, pens, markers, and notebooks left on the shelves at decent prices. While you're at it, don't forget to wish and hope and pray your child has a teacher who's actually there to teach. Wait - huh?

Yes, you read that correctly. Make sure your child's teacher is actually there to teach. As an avid advocate of education, I've seen the ugly side of teachers demonstrating little to no interest in the actual development of student knowledge. I naively thought that the days of teachers professing "I'll get paid whether you learn or not" were over. However, I was in for a rude awakening. Completing Graduate level coursework, during fieldwork, and observations, I was exposed to what can only be called experience.

I must admit that there are some teachers I've observed and worked with who actively engage students in learning as a personal journey of self discovery. They implement different methods of technology into the curriculum to enhance student engagement and facilitate the learning process. To those teachers, I give the utmost respect because teaching truly is a labor of love for those educators who believe they can make a difference and instill the same values in their students.

However, the polar opposite does exist and unfortunately the numbers are drastically higher. Time after time I've wondered how some teachers remain employed. PLEASE don't get me wrong. In these wonderful economic times, I'd hate to see any qualified, motivated, and committed teacher lose their job. But realistically there are some that should not be in a classroom of 20+ students "teaching" them. I've seen everything from name calling to yelling to temper tantrums to power trips and I am NOT referring to the students. It's appalling. No lesson plans, no interactive learning assignments, no group activities, unclear learning objectives, and simple workbook activities are what some teachers are attempting to pass off as "teaching." It's alarming that U.S. students score lower internationally on critical thinking and technology related batteries than other major countries. Our students desperately need to be taught in a way that will allow them to compete in an international business market. 

I can continue on and on (as I believe I already have) but I implore parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and anyone who is invested in a child's future to become actively involved and demand more from their child's education. Participate in Open House. Prepare a list of questions for the teacher to determine how your child will be encouraged, challenged, and enlightened throughout the year. Communicate frequently with teachers via email. Plan at least one day per quarter to visit and observe your child's class and talk to your child about what's happening in the classroom.

Lastly, when given the opportunity in person, ask your child's teacher what they are doing related to CEC'S (Continuing Education Credits) and to explain to you Bloom's Taxonomy. If you don't receive an answer or notice hesitation, you should be alarmed and request that the teacher attend the FIRST teaching bootcamp of the year - a trip with you to the principal's office to discuss your child's educational outcomes in this particular teacher's class. Bloom's Taxonomy is a Teaching 101 lesson that an educator should never forget.  *hint - the answer should contain the words Knowledge, Comprehension, Application, Analysis, Synthesis, and Evaluation. 

For now, that's all folks. I can't help but bring back that wonderful, old Whitney song:

"I believe the children are our future..." you know the rest ;) (hopefully)!

-m.marie

"What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to a human soul."
 - Joseph Addison

"Liberty without Learning is always in peril and Learning without Liberty is always in vain. 

- John F. Kennedy

Who is Me? Who is Marie? - Introduction Please!

I am me. I am Marie. These are two entities within me that cannot be defined but define me. Polar opposites is an accurate description. With views on opposite ends of the spectrum regarding many topics, I found myself fighting an inner battle and realized that I didn't have to choose. That's the beauty and complexity of being an intelligent and thinking woman.

Being from New Orleans, I'm accustomed to a wonderful culture. It's a melting pot filled with homemade gumbo that forces people to become addicted to my city. With the good, the bad, and the ugly in the back of so many minds, it's still my city. I accept it for what it is and realize there's no place like it. Saying that moving to Houston was a culture shock is definitely an understatement. It's not that I don't like Houston, I just love New Orleans and miss it with everything in me.

My views are as diverse as the world we live in and unified enough to fill the confines of my head. So to end the battle and win the war I'll blog. There isn't a set topic that I'll focus on. I'll just let it flow as the world changes daily and hope someone out there feels me. Whether it be politics, religion, entertainment, or anything else under the sun I will address it as it comes to me.

Now that I've introduced Me and Marie, I end with these words.

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

- Oscar Wilde

m.marie