Relationships and Love: The Controversy of the Compromise - Part 1

I don't know what it is about Thursday, but it seems to be developing into my day of reflection. Late last night or early this morning, shit it was around 3:30am, I found myself visiting Gypsy's cyberworld and ended up damn near blogging on her blog. Sorry Gyp! But the topics of sexism, feminism, homo-eroticism, subservience, and male domination in relationships really took me to another galaxy mentally.  The word "relationship" causes a series of other words to cross my mind - love, hate, sacrifice, selfishness, compromise, complacency, idiocy, fear, abuse, manipulation, freedom, isolation...I'll stop there because it'll be Christmas 2012 and I'd still be typing words.  

We've all heard it over and over again: RELATIONSHIPS ARE COMPLICATED. Really? Why is that? That's a serious question because I just don't see it that way. Usually people primarily associate love with sex and relationships. Let's be real. Love isn't even a FACTOR in most relationships. The sex is far more important for some than love, or even like. How often have you seen two people in a "relationship" and it's clear that one person is more invested than the other. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I just think one should at least be honest with him/herself about the "relationship." I won't even get into the so-called warning signs because I think too many people, yes primarily women, turn a blind eye to the fact that the man they're involved with isn't committed. They totally compromise, and damn near eliminate, the possibility of being with someone who will reciprocate those feelings. To me, personal self-worth should NEVER be compromised for a maybe. But for some reason, they hold on to him for dear life hoping his feelings will be reciprocal one day. In the meantime, he's hoping he can get her to try that new position to add to the mental kama sutra log. She will. And in the process she'll hear wonderful melodies and the heaven's will open and the angels will sing...and he'll hear melodies too (courtesy of Swizz & Jay) "on to da next one..."

I know I may sound like I'm dissing women but I'm not. I'm trying to convey the message that you don't have to compromise yourself, your values, or your self-worth to be with someone who would never consider doing the same. Growing up in the hood with a bunch of dudes taught me alot. Having an older brother with females falling all over him taught me alot. HE taught me alot. I've had my share of poor choices in regards to men but I've never been infected with the "love bug" that strips away my capacity to evaluate a situation and accept it for what it is. Love was never my thing. The concept of love is complex. Ask ten people what love is and I'm 99.999999999999% sure you'll receive ten different answers and probably twenty different questions. Love is intangible. You can't reach out and touch it. You can't hold it in the palm of your hand and give it to the one. But you can damn sure recognize it...

I'm not CLOSE to being finished with this topic but I gotta go. So I'll post part of my comment from Gypsy's blog and holla back.

... the shit on our minds definitely sprung from the same embryo.

It's like the same shit, different day scenario with some relationships. I feel you 150 on the "normal" girl thing. THERE IS NO FUCKING NORMAL GIRL! I can go into some categories but I'll save that for mevsmarie!

I can't believe how small minded some men, especially young black men, can be. I went through the same thing on the block, and especially in relationships with all the "smart girl" references. Damn, would you prefer me hopping on one leg and barking like a dog? And on the flip side, how dare me be from the hood, still living in the hood, and attend a certain HBCU with the privileged few? WTF!

Why should I have to confine myself to ONE role, persona, or image to ego stroke? Of course there are always preconceived notions about what a woman should be or do for her man. But at what cost? Do you sacrifice your dreams, reinvent your life, and keep your mouth shut if that's what's demanded? You already know my answer HELL NAW!

If we agree to enlighten ourselves by choosing a book and reflecting on what we've read with eachother, that's iron clad for me. When the time comes that we're not on the same page or even in the same book wtf is a girl to do??? Well Marie keeps reading, flipping pages, and closes the book when the last line is read.

END OF STORY!

*m.marie