The last day of September. In a couple of hours it'll be October. The month that has cast a shadow of jealousy on me for years, since I was old enough to understand that no stork was responsible for delivering babies to pre-determined addresses. 29 years and I'm not ashamed to admit that October is bittersweet for me. I love the gradual change in weather. Being on the Riverview watching the muddy Mississippi conduct its business is one of the most calming and enlightening experiences I've ever had. With shorter days and longer nights, I often wonder what offerings will please Ra enough to cast rays of light upon my face for just a little longer. I also find myself yearning to become one with the darkness and consume all that I desire, as guided by Min, while succumbing to death over and over again until Khensu gives way to Ra once again.
I'm not headed anywhere with all of this. There are just random things on my mind that I feel compelled to express as if no one will ever see it. Hmm, I may want to tell my brother to stop calling me Min, although he's done so for the past 20 years. I may point him in the direction of the Egyptian gods but I doubt he'll stop when he discovers who Min is. For him, the name is associated with the little Asian girl from Barney & Friends decades ago...DON'T ASK! I think it's an October baby complex. Which brings me back to the jealousy issue.
I have a very tight knit family on the maternal side. What's interesting is that damn near 50% of them were born in October : my mother, my brother who was born exactly one week before my mother's birthday, my cousin who's closest in age to me was born three days after my mother's birthday, her two sons whose bday's are two weeks apart, and my second closest cousin was born a few days before November. What in the hell is going on 9 months or 40 weeks before October? Is it Valentine's Day? Are folks still cuddling inside and making their own heat due to the frigid outdoor weather? I don't know. But it was enough to stab me in my stomach for so many years. Imagine growing up and having a birthday bash every damn October. How many names can fit on one cake, lol? And then there's lonely old me in July. Born on the cusp of Cancer & Leo on the same day of the month as my mother. I think the universe conspired to give me multiple personalities so I wouldn't be alone. It's just me and my seven year old bully of a cousin who learned how to pimp me & actually frightens me. I'll never let Harris County keep me from his bday party again...the consequences are too much for me! He thinks Texas is in Gentilly some damn where and had the nerve to tell me to bring my sleeping bag and a chocolate chip cookie...he was NOT playing. Thank God for friends who try to make you feel special although their bday is over two months before yours. Who would've thought the TWO MONTHS & ELEVEN DAYS creation would last this long? I didn't but I'm glad as hell it did...TCH!
What's next????? Once again, I'm going to another wedding this weekend...no comment. Praise Jesus I'll be in the studio on Sunday. I have alot of shit to get off of my chest. If you hear a line or something and think it's about you, it probably is. So I'll take this time to get a few things off my chest in an effort to not spit so much venom on Sunday...it clouds my creativity. And it's the 1st Sunday so neither communion or anointing will be able to save me.
Here we go...y'all already know, NO NAMES!
* Stop asking for the truth if you really don't want it or can't handle it...I'd rather remain silent than lie. We both know my silent treatments can be treacherous.
* I'm so happy you're coming to terms with my lengthy absence. You can stop tossing slick ass comments at me and making me feel guilty as hell. At first, I wasn't feeling your jealousy thing until I remembered how I was ready to go beat a bitch down for fucking with you. So it's a date...AMC Palace 20 Clearview. I'm expecting my NIKES FRESH OUT THE BOX!
* Chill out & just let shit be. You can't force it. The harder you try, the worse it'll get.
* Stop doubting my skills. I really wish you knew me just a little better. You'll join the naysayers soon enough. The silence is music to my ears and a smile on my face. Penelope said "Miss Me With that Foolishness." You should listen to it.
* Crack does kill braincells, "grown ass man." I'm glad you realized you fucked with the right one. It's not my fault you felt checked. See you tomorrow! I hope you still have that hammer in your hand. That's the bitch in you. I've proven I don't need back up...survival of the fittest. Holla at Darwin.
* Cheer up booboo. I know you love him. Despite what you may think, I'm not mad. I think it's sweet!
* I thought I had something to say to you but I don't. I think I've said enough. How can you ask for something that you refuse to give? My only advice is to beware of the "turkey bastin' bitches." You don't have to listen to me. Three Stacks said it best - "These girls are smart. Play your part. PLAY YOUR PART!" With that, Farewell friend.
This is one of my FAVES...or at least part of it.
Where is her 2nd verse?
I think it's safe to say that this post was a healthy dose of Marie. Hopefully, the next one will be of substance. There was so much shit going on in N.O. last week, I had to take grams newspaper like NOLA.com doesn't exist. Shit was mind blowing but I refused to focus on any of it. Maybe this weekend will be a smidge better. I'll find something positive so Marie can SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.
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