Sunday, November 20, 2011

Fat Free, Tax Free, Duty Free...Is Religion Free a Possibility?

I haven't been able to shake a thought that flashed in my mind recently. I wondered what the world would be like without religion. Is it a possibility?

I used to wonder why so many documents have an "optional" field to indicate your religion. In many instances it makes no sense to me regardless of the explanation used on the document.  A little light was shed during my employment at a hospital. Religious denomination was useful in interacting with patients from different cultures, backgrounds, and religious denominations. It was enlightening to adapt at times. Depending on the culture or religion of the patient, I'd have to speak only with a husband, brother, or father if the patient was female; I couldn't look some patients directly in the eye because it was a sign of disrespect; and I had to ensure that some female patients did not come into contact with a man at any point during their visit. There were significantly more but this gives an idea.

In the only hospital I've felt comfortable enough to be an inpatient, patients receive clergy visits before and after surgery as well as throughout their stay in the facility. It wasn't until recently that I decided to use my clergy visits to gain more insight. The great thing is that the clergy are usually representative of the patient's faith whenever possible. In the past, I've never refused a clergy visit while hospitalized. I've always stated how I was feeling and participated in prayer. Now I have questions that can't be definitively answered but it's interesting to hear the views of others.

The responses to the following two questions were so profoundly simple. They led to my own profoundly simple response.
-What do you do when you visit aetheists since they don't technically believe in God?  
-Do you think that it's possible to have a world free of religion?

In short, response #1 was that not many aetheists in the facility refuse visits from the clergy. The experience has been that the clergy ask the patient's preference and move forward accordingly. Surprisingly, they aren't asked not to pray often either. Although they may not believe in God, they believe in something. Response #2 was that believers have to be aware of "being religious" versus "religion." The idea of religion varies across the board as does being religious. But being religious carries with it the responsibility of understanding and tolerance with no room for hatred.
(*I wanted to talk about religious zealots but I decided to save it for a later date that hopefully doesn't come too soon.)

My profoundly simple statement (which isn't my label or terminology):
It is more than possible to have a world free of religion but not a world free of belief.  


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

If You Don't Know Me By Now, We May Have Something in Common

In a brief 15 min break today, I began to think of how well the average person really knows him/herself. Naturally, I turned the tables on myself and thought of how well I know me. In a recent hilariously heated conversation, I was asked "damn, do you ever say anything you don't really mean?" Heated because the inquisitor was serious. Hilarious because the inquisitor was DEAD serious & somehow convinced that I haven't changed in a damn decade. I started to think of how often I say things that I don't mean. Initially I came up with never. After thinking a minute, I realized that it's relative based on the context. I decided to ask a friend, whom I used to depend on to break the monotony of my day, but I didn't get much of a response. Nevertheless, I realize that I'm not as accommodating as I once was. I don't believe that I've changed at my core. Rather, I'm more closely in sync with it. But those I've known at length, definitely see it as a change. I will admit that I sometimes surprise myself with how detached I can be. It's never intentional but I'm more than sure others will beg to differ. I used to love to talk talk talk talk talk like it was an Olympic sport. Now, not so much...especially, in regards to my own shit. I just don't prefer to do it anymore because it's never-ending and will lead to questions on top of questions on top of questions. Had anyone told me this a decade ago, I wouldn't have believed it. So who knows? THEN me doesn't know NOW me. It'll be the same when NOW me becomes THEN me.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Not Black Like Me, Black Like Them : Confronting the Color Complex

I purchased a book titled "the darkest child" by Delores Phillips. I'd never heard of it, which is part of the reason I got it, in addition to the interesting theme examined in the novel. An impoverished young girl of ten siblings experiences prejudice and abuse at the hands of her mother because of her appearance. Although I haven't started reading it yet, the synopsis immediately forced me to think about prejudice and discrimination within the Black community and my own personal battle.

As hard as it may be to believe, I have a color complex that I still battle with today. In fact, for as long as I can remember, I've always had a color complex. Typically, the overwhelming color complex for Blacks is to be prejudiced toward those with darker skin. Unfortunately, it's one of those things that some won't admit but it's very much alive today. Those with fairer skin are preferred and even treated differently than those with darker skin. It's the classic house nigger vs field nigger controversy that's been perpetuated for centuries.

Growing up in New Orleans, I realized that the majority of people I came into contact with wanted to be with a "red," or light-skinned, person. Gender specificity wasn't a factor. The desire was equally common for both males and females. There's also no logical rationale for this preference. Whenever I asked about the preference, I was basically told the same thing : I DON'T KNOW or HE/SHE IS CUTE. It made no sense then and it makes no sense now. However, I do have a better understanding. We're taught what is supposed to be attractive or aesthetically pleasing. Unfortunately, not many challenge those mores. I've often wondered if it's intrinsic or if it's been so deeply embedded in us that it seems intrinsic.

So where do I fit in? I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. As a child, I always wanted to be darker. It may have had alot to do with my admiration of my brother but I can't say definitively. I used to wish I was as dark as he was. As you can see, I'm neither fair nor dark. But in my mind, I used to believe that I wasn't dark enough. During adolescence, I experienced a transition. The desire to be darker diminished and manifested itself into my idea of attraction. I did not find any male whose skin was lighter than mine attractive. Logical, right? My friends would ask me about it all the time and I found myself giving the same aforementioned responses I'd heard. I'd even defend darker girls who were called ugly by people in my neighborhood and at school.

I felt like Tupac was talking directly to me when he said "they say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I say the darker the flesh, the deeper the roots." The statement is amazingly profound. But my justification for being drawn to darker flesh is in direct contrast to the message being sent because there is no true justification. My attraction has nothing to do with the intellectual depth of a man. It's actually shallow compared to the meaning of the statement because it's based on physical appearance alone. As an intellectually sound adult, I can now make this distinction. However, it's had no effect on my illogical attraction. I am thankful that this is only an aspect of my personal life. I couldn't imagine having to overcome something of this magnitude in every aspect of my life although I'm aware that it's a reality for some who have no shame in announcing it to any open ear. Malcolm X's mother has come to mind. She embodied a love for darker men that was essential to her core based on her own fair skin and the suffering and brutal treatment her family endured at the hands of white men. That's sound justification to me.

I'll revisit this topic after submerging myself into the book. I truly wonder if it'll have any effect on my views.
Until then, I'll keep Pac in mind.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Back to Black...

Damn, was my last entry really on 10/16? Two weeks ago? I wish it was due to lack of inspiration or a mundane, nonexistent, uneventful life. Unfortunately, it was not. There's been alot of shit happening in the world and just as much in my world. So much has happened that I have no clue where to start. But I do know that it'd be a never-ending tale. Politics have been off the charts with idiotic attacks on presidential hopefuls, and of course on the President also. Why are some geniuses still focusing on his country of origin? Does it really matter at this point? Shit, let it go! I can't even begin to get into natural disasters, terrorist attacks, Qaddifi's capture, and the desensitization of the public due to poor choices by the media.

I felt compelled to post something because someway, somehow the darkness is casting a shadow within me. I hate to sound cliche but it really seems like it happened around midnight, courtesy of All Hollow's Eve, I assume. Believe it or not, it's a good thing. I've been refusing to be anything less than optimistic lately. In the grand scheme of things it was worth it. I had to remain positive to prevent myself from going Psycho Bob in the courtroom, the classroom, and all the rooms that occupy my mind. However, I'm a firm believer in not holding shit in because it'll just build up and eventually explode. That's how folks end up going to jail because they couldn't get an extra chili sauce at Wendy's and snapped. That sauce is off the chain...but not enough to assault the cashier because you can't extras.

Anywho, compartmentalization has been my bestie for a while now. Winning yet another appeal last week, I'm hoping the legal BS is coming to an end. Heat and darkness due to an electrical fire was definitely a catalyst in me forcing myself to remain positive. Stress kills. I believe my body does things subconsciously. I finally finished a song that I've been working on but it's so graphic that I can't imagine myself repeating that shit anywhere. I have no real recollection of myself when I was recording. But listening to it afterward was OMG worthy. I truly lost my mind. Partially, I blame it on the TEN-A-KEE atmosphere (I didn't know people still used that term). But I also think it was my body's way of releasing some of the clutter that I've been storing in my brain over the past couple of months. It was refreshing but listening to it bothers me...nope, I won't reveal why!

So BACK TO BLACK.... I could use some Amy Winehouse right now. Is Valerie in the building??? It's draining and unnatural to be positive all the damn time. Especially when you know there are plenty of ways to release and relieve yourself of frustration. For me, the darkness is a crucial part of my existence. I know I'm crazy, people who know me know I'm crazy. I'm not hatin' on anybody but the only people I know who are chipper ALL THE DAMN TIME scare the shit out of me and are usually on some serious medication. Don't misunderstand me. Being on a natural high is a beautiful thing. But to NEVER have a trying day or be in a deep reflective state of mind is eerie...I mean dress up like Richard Simmons on Halloween eerie!

So today, I embrace and welcome the darkness that I've been holding at bay. I might start an 8 hour Lady GaGa Fan Club and collect Pay Days, Snickers, and Twix as dues! I advise anyone to steer clear with idiotic bull'ish today. I have zero tolerance for all of the following:

  • the misguided soul who really has no clue who I am today and will not accept that reality
  • the lost one who should steer clear of the Bermuda Triangle, especially in search of me
  • the Paul Laurence Dunbar fanatic who wears the mask that grins and lies everyday
  • the naive native who seems to have forgotten that I'm a pro at playing dirty when I want to
  • the wretched reveler who's unknowingly initiated a fateful game of revenge
  • the lowly lustful liar who loves to lay and lie but loses every time

So I'm off to be blissfully brazen in the darkness. 
No candles, flashlights, or fires.
Save them for 12:01am...
Hell, make it 5am

Trust me, I have little friends in extremely high places... 



Sunday, October 16, 2011

A Tale of Two Cities: Will It Ever End?

I had every intention of having a positive posting today. With little motivation to post anything as of late, I figured I'd post something meaningful to me. I decided to focus on the MLK Memorial and the "controversy" surrounding it. While gathering my thoughts, I decided to visit nola.com to see what's up in N.O. Imagine my surprise to see the headline:

Man killed on South Claiborne is brother of witness in Hankton murder case


I tried to devote my attention elsewhere but I couldn't ignore the force that was drawing me into this article. I'd heard about the case and read a couple of the articles before but none had demanded my attention quite like this one.  Last month, I became so enthralled in this story because it seemed like a damn movie or the perfect treatment for a screenplay. I don't remember an article that has grabbed my attention and refused to let go in such a long time. This was the story that made me take my grandmother's newspaper. All of the elements were there: Family, Loyalty, Values, the "Code," Revenge, Murder...you name it. Less than a mile away from both of my childhood homes and mere feet from where my cousin was murdered on his doorstep 16 years ago, I couldn't turn away. After reading the latest article, I could only ask myself:  WILL IT EVER END?

Despite the economic growth and "evolution" of New Orleans, the city is always in the headlines as a booming city of tourism and criminal activity, primarily murder. Efforts to "rid the city" of violent criminals post-Katrina were short-lived. I think the majority of residents understood this more than local or national government officials. Ridding the city of "violent criminals" is an unconquerable feat. There's always someone lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to make a power move. Add in straight-laced officials by day BUT corrupt crooked criminals by night and you have the perfect combination for the criminal cocktail. I suppose corporate criminals are subject to different laws than violent criminals. (Yes, I'm aware that in some ways they are) There's no violence in turning a family's existence inside out by squandering away a person's life savings and leaving them destitute...nope, no violence in that. I don't believe that crime could reach this level without law enforcement turning a blind eye SOMEWHERE down the line. Am I wrong? Is it just me and my conspiracy theories? Someone please convince me otherwise.

What do you think? Does the city's culture and cuisine cast a menacing shadow on crime? Or vice versa? 

Here's the article: http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/10/man_killed_in_front_of_lounge.html

Monday, October 10, 2011

10/1/08


10/1/08

Today I tore up the month of September
30 days - 720 hours - 43,200 minutes
reduced to a sheet of paper torn
4 times resulting in 8 pieces.
8 pieces of paper that represent nothing
(let me rephrase that)
8 peces of paper that represent the nothingness
of my life - suicidal? NO.
Realistic - YES.

30 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -
I take that back
29 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -
19 spent punching a clock and taking orders
9 spent evaluating the nothingness of
my life and how to change it
1 spent at a funeral which actually
held the most meaning for me
-----> Pastor said I was EXISTING
           and not living.

Saturday, October 1, 2011