Back to Black...

Damn, was my last entry really on 10/16? Two weeks ago? I wish it was due to lack of inspiration or a mundane, nonexistent, uneventful life. Unfortunately, it was not. There's been alot of shit happening in the world and just as much in my world. So much has happened that I have no clue where to start. But I do know that it'd be a never-ending tale. Politics have been off the charts with idiotic attacks on presidential hopefuls, and of course on the President also. Why are some geniuses still focusing on his country of origin? Does it really matter at this point? Shit, let it go! I can't even begin to get into natural disasters, terrorist attacks, Qaddifi's capture, and the desensitization of the public due to poor choices by the media.

I felt compelled to post something because someway, somehow the darkness is casting a shadow within me. I hate to sound cliche but it really seems like it happened around midnight, courtesy of All Hollow's Eve, I assume. Believe it or not, it's a good thing. I've been refusing to be anything less than optimistic lately. In the grand scheme of things it was worth it. I had to remain positive to prevent myself from going Psycho Bob in the courtroom, the classroom, and all the rooms that occupy my mind. However, I'm a firm believer in not holding shit in because it'll just build up and eventually explode. That's how folks end up going to jail because they couldn't get an extra chili sauce at Wendy's and snapped. That sauce is off the chain...but not enough to assault the cashier because you can't extras.

Anywho, compartmentalization has been my bestie for a while now. Winning yet another appeal last week, I'm hoping the legal BS is coming to an end. Heat and darkness due to an electrical fire was definitely a catalyst in me forcing myself to remain positive. Stress kills. I believe my body does things subconsciously. I finally finished a song that I've been working on but it's so graphic that I can't imagine myself repeating that shit anywhere. I have no real recollection of myself when I was recording. But listening to it afterward was OMG worthy. I truly lost my mind. Partially, I blame it on the TEN-A-KEE atmosphere (I didn't know people still used that term). But I also think it was my body's way of releasing some of the clutter that I've been storing in my brain over the past couple of months. It was refreshing but listening to it bothers me...nope, I won't reveal why!

So BACK TO BLACK.... I could use some Amy Winehouse right now. Is Valerie in the building??? It's draining and unnatural to be positive all the damn time. Especially when you know there are plenty of ways to release and relieve yourself of frustration. For me, the darkness is a crucial part of my existence. I know I'm crazy, people who know me know I'm crazy. I'm not hatin' on anybody but the only people I know who are chipper ALL THE DAMN TIME scare the shit out of me and are usually on some serious medication. Don't misunderstand me. Being on a natural high is a beautiful thing. But to NEVER have a trying day or be in a deep reflective state of mind is eerie...I mean dress up like Richard Simmons on Halloween eerie!

So today, I embrace and welcome the darkness that I've been holding at bay. I might start an 8 hour Lady GaGa Fan Club and collect Pay Days, Snickers, and Twix as dues! I advise anyone to steer clear with idiotic bull'ish today. I have zero tolerance for all of the following:

• the misguided soul who really has no clue who I am today and will not accept that reality

• the lost one who should steer clear of the Bermuda Triangle, especially in search of me

• the Paul Laurence Dunbar fanatic who wears the mask that grins and lies everyday

• the naive native who seems to have forgotten that I'm a pro at playing dirty when I want to

• the wretched reveler who's unknowingly initiated a fateful game of revenge

• the lowly lustful liar who loves to lay and lie but loses every time

So I'm off to be blissfully brazen in the darkness. 

No candles, flashlights, or fires.

Save them for 12:01am...

Hell, make it 5am

Trust me, I have little friends in extremely high places... 

A Tale of Two Cities: Will It Ever End?

I had every intention of having a positive posting today. With little motivation to post anything as of late, I figured I'd post something meaningful to me. I decided to focus on the MLK Memorial and the "controversy" surrounding it. While gathering my thoughts, I decided to visit nola.com to see what's up in N.O. Imagine my surprise to see the headline:

Man killed on South Claiborne is brother of witness in Hankton murder case

I tried to devote my attention elsewhere but I couldn't ignore the force that was drawing me into this article. I'd heard about the case and read a couple of the articles before but none had demanded my attention quite like this one.  Last month, I became so enthralled in this story because it seemed like a damn movie or the perfect treatment for a screenplay. I don't remember an article that has grabbed my attention and refused to let go in such a long time. This was the story that made me take my grandmother's newspaper. All of the elements were there: Family, Loyalty, Values, the "Code," Revenge, Murder...you name it. Less than a mile away from both of my childhood homes and mere feet from where my cousin was murdered on his doorstep 16 years ago, I couldn't turn away. After reading the latest article, I could only ask myself:  WILL IT EVER END?

Despite the economic growth and "evolution" of New Orleans, the city is always in the headlines as a booming city of tourism and criminal activity, primarily murder. Efforts to "rid the city" of violent criminals post-Katrina were short-lived. I think the majority of residents understood this more than local or national government officials. Ridding the city of "violent criminals" is an unconquerable feat. There's always someone lying in wait for the perfect opportunity to make a power move. Add in straight-laced officials by day BUT corrupt crooked criminals by night and you have the perfect combination for the criminal cocktail. I suppose corporate criminals are subject to different laws than violent criminals. (Yes, I'm aware that in some ways they are) There's no violence in turning a family's existence inside out by squandering away a person's life savings and leaving them destitute...nope, no violence in that. I don't believe that crime could reach this level without law enforcement turning a blind eye SOMEWHERE down the line. Am I wrong? Is it just me and my conspiracy theories? Someone please convince me otherwise.

What do you think? Does the city's culture and cuisine cast a menacing shadow on crime? Or vice versa? 

Here's the article: http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2011/10/man_killed_in_front_of_lounge.html

10/1/08

10/1/08

Today I tore up the month of September

30 days - 720 hours - 43,200 minutes

reduced to a sheet of paper torn

4 times resulting in 8 pieces.

8 pieces of paper that represent nothing

(let me rephrase that)

8 peces of paper that represent the nothingness

of my life - suicidal? NO.

Realistic - YES.

30 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -

I take that back

29 days of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING -

19 spent punching a clock and taking orders

9 spent evaluating the nothingness of

my life and how to change it

1 spent at a funeral which actually

held the most meaning for me

-----> Pastor said I was EXISTING

           and not living.

World of Women? Wouldn't Work

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Let me count the ways...

BLAH BLAH BLAH

9/30/2011...Random Foolishness

The last day of September. In a couple of hours it'll be October. The month that has cast a shadow of jealousy on me for years, since I was old enough to understand that no stork was responsible for delivering babies to pre-determined addresses. 29 years and I'm not ashamed to admit that October is bittersweet for me. I love the gradual change in weather. Being on the Riverview watching the muddy Mississippi conduct its business is one of the most calming and enlightening experiences I've ever had. With shorter days and longer nights, I often wonder what offerings will please Ra enough to cast rays of light upon my face for just a little longer. I also find myself yearning to become one with the darkness and consume all that I desire, as guided by Min, while succumbing to death over and over again until Khensu gives way to Ra once again.

I'm not headed anywhere with all of this. There are just random things on my mind that I feel compelled to express as if no one will ever see it. Hmm, I may want to tell my brother to stop calling me Min, although he's done so for the past 20 years. I may point him in the direction of the Egyptian gods but I doubt he'll stop when he discovers who Min is. For him, the name is associated with the little Asian girl from Barney & Friends decades ago...DON'T ASK! I think it's an October baby complex. Which brings me back to the jealousy issue.

I have a very tight knit family on the maternal side. What's interesting is that damn near 50% of them were born in October : my mother, my brother who was born exactly one week before my mother's birthday, my cousin who's closest in age to me was born three days after my mother's birthday, her two sons whose bday's are two weeks apart, and my second closest cousin was born a few days before November. What in the hell is going on 9 months or 40 weeks before October? Is it Valentine's Day? Are folks still cuddling inside and making their own heat due to the frigid outdoor weather? I don't know. But it was enough to stab me in my stomach for so many years. Imagine growing up and having a birthday bash every damn October. How many names can fit on one cake, lol? And then there's lonely old me in July. Born on the cusp of Cancer & Leo on the same day of the month as my mother. I think the universe conspired to give me multiple personalities so I wouldn't be alone. It's just me and my seven year old bully of a cousin who learned how to pimp me & actually frightens me. I'll never let Harris County keep me from his bday party again...the consequences are too much for me! He thinks Texas is in Gentilly some damn where and had the nerve to tell me to bring my sleeping bag and a chocolate chip cookie...he was NOT playing. Thank God for friends who try to make you feel special although their bday is over two months before yours. Who would've thought the TWO MONTHS & ELEVEN DAYS creation would last this long? I didn't but I'm glad as hell it did...TCH!

What's next????? Once again, I'm going to another wedding this weekend...no comment. Praise Jesus I'll be in the studio on Sunday. I have alot of shit to get off of my chest. If you hear a line or something and think it's about you, it probably is. So I'll take this time to get a few things off my chest in an effort to not spit so much venom on Sunday...it clouds my creativity. And it's the 1st Sunday so neither communion or anointing will be able to save me.

Here we go...y'all already know, NO NAMES!

* Stop asking for the truth if you really don't want it or can't handle it...I'd rather remain silent than lie. We both know my silent treatments can be treacherous.

* I'm so happy you're coming to terms with my lengthy absence. You can stop tossing slick ass comments at me and making me feel guilty as hell. At first, I wasn't feeling your jealousy thing until I remembered how I was ready to go beat a bitch down for fucking with you. So it's a date...AMC Palace 20 Clearview. I'm expecting my NIKES FRESH OUT THE BOX!

* Chill out & just let shit be. You can't force it. The harder you try, the worse it'll get.

* Stop doubting my skills. I really wish you knew me just a little better. You'll join the naysayers soon enough. The silence is music to my ears and a smile on my face. Penelope said "Miss Me With that Foolishness." You should listen to it.

* Crack does kill braincells, "grown ass man." I'm glad you realized you fucked with the right one. It's not my fault you felt checked. See you tomorrow! I hope you still have that hammer in your hand. That's the bitch in you. I've proven I don't need back up...survival of the fittest. Holla at Darwin.

* Cheer up booboo. I know you love him. Despite what you may think, I'm not mad. I think it's sweet!

* I thought I had something to say to you but I don't. I think I've said enough. How can you ask for something that you refuse to give? My only advice is to beware of the "turkey bastin' bitches." You don't have to listen to me. Three Stacks said it best - "These girls are smart. Play your part. PLAY YOUR PART!" With that, Farewell friend.

 This is one of my FAVES...or at least part of it. 

Where is her 2nd verse?

I think it's safe to say that this post was a healthy dose of Marie. Hopefully, the next one will be of substance. There was so much shit going on in N.O. last week, I had to take grams newspaper like NOLA.com doesn't exist. Shit was mind blowing but I refused to focus on any of it. Maybe this weekend will be a smidge better. I'll find something positive so Marie can SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.

They Say It's Wrong. I Say It's Just Write.

Title:                            the shortest poem
                                   i never composed
                                   was filled with holes
                                   but soothed my soul.
                                   the meaning was
                                   diverse for many
                                   priceless to some,
                                   to others not a penny.
                                   with pen under pressure
                                   and pages to fill
                                   the ink erupted
                                   and proceeded to spill...

Poem:                                blue(s).



~Creativity has no boundaries. There are no rules. We are taught terms, formats, and technicalities about what is considered art. Be it a painting, a sculpture, a novel, or a song, we cannot be taught creativity. We cannot control what speaks to us. Creativity is everywhere. It is never seen quite the same through different eyes. That's the beauty of having an idea of creativity in your own mind. I hear a song and begin to cry. I stand in the summer heat on a Mississippi porch and take pictures of a butterfly. I stand in the rain and close my eyes. They simply ask why.~
                                         
 *m.marie

Precarious Politikin'

MY, MY, MY...the folks at Lipton, Tazo, Earl Grey, Yogi, Stash, and Traditional Medicinals are REALLY missing me right now. In the day and age where people sue for some of the most ASININE reasons (and win), I have to wonder if I can sue the feds for pain and suffering. Better yet a particular political party...hmmm. It just dawned on me. I am suffering from insomnia, paranoia, severe mental anguish, depression, and physical abuse from being beaten with the STUPID STICK! My cabinets are stocked with tea that I CANNOT drink anymore! It's still raining glass fragments from that "throw it up & smash it" thing. This is a direct contribution to my physical and mental health & wellness. I used to drink a MINIMUM of two cups of tea per day, seriously. Green tea, Black tea, White tea, Chamomile, Lavender, Jasmine, Echinacea, and a slew of others. Now I become so enraged and paralyzed with anger that I can't bring myself to open my pantry and cabinets that my brother SO wonderfully organized when he visited because I have so much damn tea.  Yes, he really did although he may deny it ;-)

So who's to blame? If you weren't hypnotized with the allure and excitement of Monday Night Football, you may have seen the so-called "spirited debate" last night. (*SIDE NOTE - huge props to Michael Vick! Sorry, we do NOT miss you Reggie Bush! WTF is up NFC??? Wake the hell up!) Back to business...tea party, Tea Party, TEA PARTY. Please people, I BEG of you, do not develop tunnel vision while watching ANY of the presidential debates, commercials, and campaigns that we'll be bombarded with in the coming months. I shall not impose my own political views on anyone. Neither will I go on a tirade regarding any of the issues. My goal is to promote individual panoramic comprehensive awareness. We are all concerned about major issues that cross party lines such as unemployment, education, healthcare, taxes, and debt to name a few. Know what your primary concerns are and evaluate which candidate is best aligned with your views and deserves your support.

The same old shenanigans were at it again last night. From this one debate and the reactions of the audience, I can see that PRECARIOUS POLITIKIN' will dominate the election once again.   

You would think that we all recognize the oldest trick in the book, which is, in my opinion, to focus on ONE major issue that will get people riled up and emotionally involved. Past examples include: READ MY LIPS - NO NEW TAXES, Same Sex Marriage, "Cloning" and Stem Cell Research, Abortion, and Disaster Response which is only the tip of the iceberg. A presidency is not dominated by one issue. So how can a presidential campaign be driven by one? Answer:  IT CANNOT. However, it was clear to anyone who watched last night's debate  that they'll be at it again. The last presidential campaign was nothing short of a school yard brawl and mud-slinging contest. Granted, it was historical and ground-breaking, but ugly nonetheless.  I have a feeling that this campaign will put the last one to shame. Simply examining Romney, Perry, and Bachmann was a wake up call that they are attempting to perform the old "wool over the eyes" trick. From bribery to human rights to health care to unjust laws - no one was safe. I actually believe that no one should feel safe at this point. However, focusing on one flaw or smudge on an opponent's record is not grounds to win a nomination and certainly not an election. Many great topics were addressed but it seemed that everyone's concern wasn't to demonstrate their attributes. They were more focused on the opponents' flaws.

I'm all about Women's rights, equality, and proactively being pro-choice. This is not a comprehensive representation of my views across the board. Therefore, I can't jump on the Bachmann Bandwagon simply because she dug into Perry about requiring young girls to get the HPV vaccine. She has to bring much more to the table, which I think she can. Romney seems to have it all figured out. Kudos to him. Perry is...uhm....well........how can I say it.....................supported by Bobby Jindal. Ponzi scheme...enough said.
Of course it wasn't just those three but they stood out the most to me.  

With that said, I'm gon' wrap it up and BEG again. People, hear my plea, do not become a victim of the Precarious Politikin' platform. Know your stance, pay attention to the candidates, and always make an informed decision. This is our lives. I just might be able to enjoy a relaxing cup of chamomile tea soon.

"A politician divides mankind into two classes: tools and enemies." - Nietzsche

"Until the great mass of the people shall be filled with the sense of responsibility for each other's welfare, social justice can never be attained." - Helen Keller

Cute huh?

It's still a damn snake in the grass...